I have never publicly shared this story with anyone, But 9 years of healing and growth later, I realize the importance & power of a testimony. The video below was taken the rising after I gave birth. Just the day before NO ONE even knew I was pregnant but the instant sense of love you can feel through the video between my mom and her new grand-daughter would make you think this was highly anticipated.
I was 14. I was beyond scared, too scared to tell my own mother or even my closest friends. Scared of the judgement, scared of the potential for abortion, scared of what would my life would be like. Scared. At times, being a 14 year old, I questioned if I was truly even pregnant and even convinced myself that I wasn’t and it would just “go away”. My cycle was always irregular so I assumed it was just that. I blamed the morning sickness I was experiencing (that I didn’t even know was a part of pregnancy at the time) on the greasy sausages I ate for breakfast. I stayed home a few days because of the throwing up. One of my friends told me that a few people at the school thought I was pregnant because of it. I got so angry and denied it but little did I even know at the time that I was. There were so many points during my pregnancy that I so badly wanted to tell my mom what was going on with me but I was too scared to face what I knew could be true. I went to school every day and enjoyed the summer like a normal 14 year old. I'll never forget how numb my legs and lower stomach would get from sitting at the desk all day yet I still never told anyone. I never went to the doctor, never had an ultrasound, didn’t change my diet, I even got on roller coasters. I truly could have died but at 14 I didn’t take it seriously or realize that. I didn’t get very big or show and I was always on the heavier side so I tried sucking it in and wearing loose clothing. One day one of my close friends at the time joked about how I was holding a pillow in front of my stomach as I walked home from school saying that I looked pregnant. Little did he know. I have one picture of my stomach that I took about a week before she was born where I was showing. My mom rationalized my weight gain with being home and eating a lot during the summer. I even ignored the colostrum that began to leak from my breasts towards the end. I remember sitting at my desk one night towards the very end and watching her move around in my stomach. Somehow I knew she was a girl. I had her name picked out and everything towards the end.
I was spending the week with my Dad and Stepmom for the summer. A trip that I was really excited for! Looking back I can see it was divine timing for me to be with my dad as God knew I would need the support of both parents. The day he was set to come get me, I lost my mucus plug. Alarmed, I did tell my mom about this but I didn’t even know what a mucus plug was and she assumed it was discharge. I spent the entire day and trip from Richmond to Virginia Beach having contractions or what I thought were just bad stomach pains; suffering in silence. When we got there it was pretty late. After my daughter was born, my dad admitted he looked at me when we arrived and thought I looked pregnant but he didn’t say anything because he thought it wasn't possible. I tried to just sleep it off. Obviously, that was impossible. I was sleeping in their guest bedroom and I just kept getting up and going into the bathroom to labor. I don’t recall if my water fully broke or not. Finally the pain was too much to bear. I went to my dad’s room and told him my stomach was hurting badly. He suggested Pepto Bismol and ginger-ale and to lay down. At that point the hormones and pain kicked in and I basically screamed at him to take me to the hospital. I pulled him and my step mom out of the door to the car and got in the back seat. I wasn’t even able to fully sit up in the seat because of the pain and then I finally told them. “I think I'm pregnant”. There was silence in the car until we got to the hospital as I remember. When I got there they put me in a wheelchair and took me to the room. I was so uncomfortable sitting. My dad and stepmom went to check me in and called my mom. I imagine that phone call was insane. When I got to the room the contractions got even worse. I'm normally a quiet reserved person but my pain and hormones at the time said forget it. I screamed at the nurse to please pray with me and she looked at me like I was crazy which really hurt honestly. I was on the phone with my mother screaming saying that I was sorry. They tried to get me not to push until the doctor came but it was too late. Within about an hour my daughter was born. My dad came into the room after, questioning why there was a baby in the room saying “my daughter is supposed to be in here” and “ whose baby?”. He had assumed I was having a miscarriage. They told him it was my baby and he had to go sit down. The Dr. came to deliver the “after birth” which I now know is the placenta. I was moved to another room. As I got up for the first time, I leaked blood as the nurse was assisting me. I was so embarrassed and I apologized to the nurse because I wasn't aware that it was normal. She reassured me that it was ok and showed me the shower. I rested that night with my daughter beside me who was perfectly healthy as was I. My mom came the next morning and instantly bonded with her grandchild. Who she didn't know existed just a few hours before. Since we were both healthy, we were released the next day after some hospital baby pictures. Since no one knew I was pregnant, I had nothing for my baby. The hospital gave me a lot of things and my stepmom's coworker did as well. With the amount of things I had you would think she was well anticipated. I was truly blessed.
When I reflect on this journey I have been on, I look back in awe of how everything has truly aligned. When I was about 11 or so, a prophet named Tim Story picked me out of the audience when he was a guest speaker at our church. I was crying and speaking in tongues. He told me to stand up and started prophesying over me. He told me that he saw me as a philanthropist traveling to help women and children. He compared me to Oprah Winfrey in the effect I would have. Little did I know at 11 how this truly was the destiny of my life. He moved his hand in the direction to my stomach area without touching me and I felt the energy push inside of me and I fell down. I will never forget how I felt at that moment. I also vividly remember a dream I had well before the birth of my daughter that I now realize was the birth of my daughter. In the dream it seemed like an apocalypse and I remember feeling shameful as I was on the phone with my mother apologizing. I also remember feeling pain in my womb area in the dream but at the time I didn’t know what it meant. Now I do. As A child I always had a very vivid and strong imagination/ ability to make my thoughts reality. I have countless examples of how I used to do this and dreams I have had that I will share one day as well.
As I labored alone, I was still too scared to tell anyone as I was throughout my entire pregnancy. As I told my story to a friend one day, they made me realize that I was really my own Doula and I had a fully natural NO intervention birth. 9 years later my life has truly come full circle. Now, I find myself being a doula helping other women do what I did alone.
My path to becoming a doula was very divinely led. Just 2 years ago, I didn’t even know what a doula was. I had just gotten my degree in biology where I was on the path to becoming a pediatrician. Then it changed to PA, then nurse, then teacher and I ended up doing none of those. It was only as I was researching for my own birth and on my conscious awakening journey at the time that I found out what a Doula was. I was not able to keep the baby for this pregnancy but a new passion was born. It wasn until about 1 year and much healing later that I decided I wanted to move into birth work as I saw how it truly aligned with my passions of helping women holistically, my life with my birth story & prophecy and my interests of loving science.
Fast Forward to now. I am a birth worker and exploring new ways of deepening this passion and helping women. I am finding my way on my path which has had many different turns as I navigate and am led to my destiny. I have always had a relatively strong sense of direction for my life however there have been moments where I have questioned which way I want to go and made some adjustments as I mentioned before. Nevertheless I know I am on the right path. I look forward to the future with excitement because I know this is just the beginning of my life at only 23. Currently, I am exploring ways to become a midwife and holistic practitioner.
No one can tell me that God, in whatever form or way of life you decide to experience him through, isn't a very real divine force. I thank God, the most high, the universe, every day for my journey of life, for my daughter & for my tribe. I have no regrets. I fully trust in the divine that each and every part of my life will come together for my benefit, no matter how hard it seems or how much it hurts sometimes. I am a proud mom, college graduate, and entrepreneur. No matter how cliche it sounds, If you set your mind to do it, you are truly unstoppable and I am living proof of that. I Hope my story can inspire someone who can relate.